Yesterday I had an internal meltdown. It came out of nowhere. The next thing I knew I was brooding, obsessing, reliving, rehashing, stewing, fuming, angry, frustrated, and thinking about what I could have said. I lived and relived in the past and was blinded to anything that was going on right here, right now. It didn’t last too long and then it subsided (I take heart that such episodes are less frequent and more short-lived).

It was interesting that in the midst of all these regurgitated bad feelings about bygone eras - I was able to “observe myself.” I was able to think, “hmm, where is this coming from? Why am I reliving and fuming about this? It really isn’t that big of deal. Why am I so angry?”

A low simmering anger and frustration that occasionally erupts and taking trips down memory lane are two of my not so pretty sides. It is a side I show to those I love most dearly - but seem to hide fairly competently from others. So yesterday, as I relived one of these petty incidents of the past I realized, I have a long way to go on the road of transformation. Yet I was also strangely encouraged, because although I am not transformed, I am on the right road.

For years (I have called myself a Christian or Christ follower for over 25 years) I thought transformation would result from my belief - correct assumptions and rightly understood certainties grounded in an orthodox theology. I thought it was my mastery of God and His revelation that would somehow enter my synapses and begin to change my behavior. You know for a while this did work - I began to think differently and some of my behaviors changed. But if I am honest transformation along that “right thinking” road slowed not long after I started trudging down it.

The road to transformation is a winding road that certainly includes our minds but it also must engage our emotions, our will, our relationships and our behavior. The road to transformation I have now found and am stumbling down winds through doubts, conversations and a realization that my attempt to “master God” is a climb up an infinite mountain (and one can be awed or despair in the frustration). Ahh, mystery - embrace it for at least on the road I am on - it is ’round every corner!! (Certainty is way over-rated, anyway).

The mysterious road to transformation is a road where we encounter doubts, set-backs, and frustrations, but also it is a road that slowly changes us as we engage in conversations (with soul friends), journey for a time with fellow pilgrims (enjoy community and hitchhike on the notes left behind by others who have been this way), encounter new ways of traveling (discover and try new spiritual practices), study the map (bad metaphor - don’t sue me!), and take new steps in the direction of the cloud by day and pillar of fire by night.

I am a person in need of transformation - but I am encouraged by the road God has helped me to stumble onto. I don’t have it all figured out - this soul stuff is weird. I trust God, He is good - so sometimes even though I feel like I am in the fog - I figure the cloud of mystery has merely enveloped me for a time! I take courage in the following quotes from Chesterton’s, Orthodoxy:

“Imagination does not breed insanity. Exactly what does breed insanity is reason. Poets do not go mad, but chess players do.” He elaborates on this observation by saying, “Poetry is sane because it floats easily in an infinite sea; reason seeks to cross the infinite sea and so make it finite.” Later, he adds, “Mysticism keeps men sane. As long as there is mystery, there is health.”

So, have you found yourself on either of these roads (road of “right thinking” or the road with mystery round every corner), or have you discovered some other roads that have led you into the ever evolving relationship with God?

This is a second take at beauty and spirituality (my first post is here).

For a number of years I lived in the DC metro area, and after I discovered the need in my life for regular retreat days, I would often spend my time at the National Cathedral. It was a wonderful place to take in spectacular beauty (in the gardens, amidst the gothic architecture and guided by the amazing pieces of liturgical art scattered about). I would often spend the first hour or so just wandering aimlessly “taking it in.” Then my custom often led me to St. Joseph’s Chapel in the basement of the Cathedral - here it was often quiet, away from the tourists and I was able to meditate, dream, rest and read in relative peace. In the midst of this space - created to help the pilgrim turn toward God - I was often the recipient of grace, peace, love and fresh perspective and faith.

I recall one particular afternoon vividly. I was fighting sleep. I was struggling to focus. I was restless. I was fairly perturbed at noisy custodians and carefree visitors. I had already wandered aimlessly not finding “appropriate” or “desirable” alternative spots to St. Joseph’s Chapel. I had squandered precious time perusing the trinkets, books and “gifts” at the Cathedral Bookstore and now feeling like a complete wreck (heck if I can’t find God here in a cathedral, what is wrong with me!) I was desperate. Following my well-worn and well-known path back toward St. Joseph’s Chapel I noticed a door in an alcove just a few steps from the exit of the basement steps. The door said welcome and had a title - like office of center for spirituality, or some such thing (now it is the office for The Cathedral Center for Prayer and Pilgrimage. I walked in.

It was a very sedate office with a waiting room feel (very much out of character for this Gothic Cathedral) I noticed a few journals placed on end tables and there was rack of books that I naturally gave a “once over.” Then I noticed it. Another doorway off to the right of the “waiting room.” I made my way over the threshold.

I immediately became aware of my heartbeat slowing, I felt cool air, I breathed in the whole atmosphere - I felt home (not just nostalgic feelings, but a sense of belonging at the very core of who I am). There was nothing ancient or Gothic about this basement prayer space and yet everything about it caused me to reflect and rest and remember and sense the refreshing of the Most Hight God. I had stumbled into what I can only describe as a “Thin Space” (that is how the Ancient Celts referred to “sacred spaces”). A “thin space” are those places where the fabric of this world and the next world is overlapping in such a way that we get a glimpse of and genuinely sense the nearness of God.

This basement prayer room was a space full of natural light (through skylights) intricate yet stark modern architecture, candles, and prayer-centric furnishings - the space called to and invited the guest to encounter The Mystery. There was little need to “enter in;” I was plunged into God and there I rested and was refreshed. I can’t tell you what took place, or remember my thoughts, I can tell you that the hospitality of this quiet get-a-way was one that is etched on my soul.

I honestly haven’t been back to this room in over 6 years… so I don’t know if it still exists - but it’s beauty and sacredness helped shape me into who I am becoming. I pray that you have found such places/spaces where your soul can expand, roots deepen and the well of your life can be refreshed. In the evangelical heritage I am a part of - finding a dedicated prayer space in one of our churches is unfortunately a rare occurrence since we seem to be enamored with Multi-purpose spaces vice Sacred and dedicated spaces (that is a rant for another post). As a result I need to seek out such spaces.

Where do you find such beauty, hospitality, sacred spaces - a place that ushers you into God’s presence - in nature, in a cathedral, in a basement chapel, in a private prayer closet or somewhere else? Add a comment and share the beauty of your sacred space.

It is an oft quoted/prayed prayer - found extensively posted in blogs, yet it is a prayer that means so much to me. I have been praying it on behalf of a close friend, and have found it meaningful in my life once again.

The prayer:

My Lord God I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

A prayer of putting up the sail; trusting God’s Spirit will fill the sail and lead us where we need to go.

St. Brendan the Navigator (an example to follow in Perigrinatio!)

In my earlier post on listening I suggested that the spiritual life is the result of a life that listens. Our ability to learn to listen to our own life and to the voice of God are important factors in determining our progress on the journey to become like Christ. We see in the life of those who come before us (Moses, David, Elijah, Daniel, Jesus, Mary of Bethany, Paul, The Church Fathers, etc.) the priority of taking time to push the pause button - and allowing time for reflection, being, and for listening. Joan D. Chittister in her book, The Rule of Benedict Insights for the Ages makes the following observation:

It is a lesson to be relearned in a modern age perhaps. There is nothing more important in our own list of important things to do in life than to stop at regular times, in regular ways to remember what life is really about, where it came from, why we have it, what we are to do with it and for whom we are to live it. No matter how tired we are or how busy we are or how impossible we think it is to do it, Benedictine spirituality says, Stop. Now. A spiritual life without a regular prayer life and an integrated community consciousness is pure illusion.

Did you catch that last sentance? Read it again.

“A spiritual life without a regular prayer life and an integrated community consciousness is pure illusion.”

And when read in context, I hear Chittister saying, without a life of prayer, meaning a life that fails to pause, cease from activity, quiet their life for the purpose of reflecting on it before the living God, is a life of illusion. A life of that leads to the absurd. A life that gets on a hamster wheel and strives, and stresses, and generates a lot of motion and activity - but fails to move in the direction of obeying the voice of God.

How do we practice a life that listens? Well a key word in the previous sentance is the word practice. There are exercises from the 2000 years of our Christian heritage that can help us to develop a life that listens. One of the practices that I have come to appreciate is often referred to as, The Prayer of Examen. This particular prayer exercise was explained by St. Ignatius in his work, The Spiritual Exercises.

The prayer of examen is a way of honestly assessing our lives in the light of God’s mercy. This prayer focuses our reflection on a narrow time span, perhaps the previous day or week. It is not intended to be a tallying of failures and successes but an assessment of how we have lived in union with God. The prayer of examen is to be practiced in solitude, but it is ultimately about community, about our relationship to self, God, and others. It is a great prayer to practice in the evening or at the close of the day.

The Prayer:

1. Remember you are in the presence of God. Take time to be still and quiet. Take a deep breath and remember that in God we live and move and have our being.

2. Recall the events of your day (or week) and ask God to show you all the moments of Grace (or moments of gratitude or times of sorrow - you can practice the Examen in reference to one or all of these various moments).

3. Invite the Holy Spirit to identify one particular moment from your day. After a particular event surfaces, don’t question it - relive that moment slowly and repeatedly.

4. Ask God, what are you saying or teaching me in this moment or what are you inviting me to do, remember or know. LISTEN.

5. Resolve to rest and grow in God’s presence. Imagine that God is sitting with you and you have the opportunity to speak to him face to face. Respond appropriately to what the Spirit of God has shown you (a need to thank, repent, obey, trust, etc.). Ask God to help you be more aware as you go through your day of His presence and to be more attentive to His voice. Rest, wait in God’s presence.

This is the Prayer of Examen. In this exercise we find in reflecting on our life the thread of the presence of God and we nurture a life that is more alert to His voice and to His work. I encourage you to take 15 - 30 minutes and try this exercise and see if it helps you become more present to yourself and to the Lord Most High.

As I author this, I am sitting in the Pittsburgh International Airport waiting to board an airplane to Soutwest Florida. I always have bittersweet feelings at departure time. The tinge of guilt and sadness leaving my family and regular routines and responsibilities and yet a bit of excitement about the journey ahead. And so I wait with the duplicitous feelings washing over me.

Consulting is an especially interesting journey. It is consciously walking into a new set of relationships where there are many spoken and unspoken expectations and all kinds of unknowns (despite the many discussions and phone calls beforehand). It is a journey I do enjoy! I thrive on the thrill of dreaming and encouraging youth workers. I also love the challenge of helping a team of folks come to new realizations and also see the places and ways they are being used to reveal God’s Kingdom among young people. Today I will begin four days of walking with a group of volunteer youthworkers who are desireing to evaluate and discuss a more wholistic approach to youth ministry.

I hope to help these volunteers uncover an important set of truths. The core truths are that more than being activity and program directors - that each youth worker would realize they are called to be advocates for youth and spiritual guides for others. My hope is to help these folks see that to develop a wholistic ministry to youth, they need to advocate for the involvement and participation of teens in the life of the faith community. Championing the cry that youth are a valued and needed part of Christ’s Body, right now. This is essential to be successful in helping integrate the youth into the everyday life of the church. As spiritual guides my hope is to help each of the volunteers to see the vital importance of their own personal growth. It is out of this growing and deepening well that they will have the authenticity and the resource to minister.

That is my agenda, subject to change. For now the journey begins and not to far around the corner, we’ll uncover some of God’s agenda for this important ministry in Florida.

It is no secret that the Western World (especially USAmerica) loves the great gala extravaganza. We gravitate toward the big event. It is our way. We love to make a splash and often the build up is bigger than the event [think Superbowl hype every year, new fall tv lineups, release of new Albums (think U2 playing on a flatbed through the streets of NYC), the press coverage of gatherings to herald the arrival of gamesystems & computer operating systems, and we could go on and on] with millions rallied, millions spent, and untold hours of energy devoted to prepare for “the event.” It also comes as no surprise that this “bigger is better event” mentality has crept (okay captured and dominated??) many of our churches.

My hope is that we can shed this sense that Christian growth occurs through events and monumental moments. This seems to fly in the face of much evidence we see around us. It is Spring right now in the Mid-Atlantic states of USAmerica. I have been struck by the fact that the emergence of growth and life is a long process. The various trees (especially the Hard woods like the Red Maple and White Oaks) have been going through the cycle of coming into leaf since mid-March and still aren’t in full leaf. When I look at Jesus and His work among His disciples we don’t see Him including all the disciples on all the Miracles, but apparantly most of them were present with Him for three solid years of living with the Master. They experienced His stories, His priorities, His attitudes and His everyday demeanor as they ate, walked, and worked among people. It was a long process to go from average Israelite to Apostle of the Risen Christ.

I won’t say there isn’t a place for Monumental Moments (who wants to discount the Resurrection or Pentecost or Baptism or the institution of the Lord’s Supper) - but, these events while definitive - are not our only means of discipleship. Discipleship is a process of frequent footprints, interspersed with monumental moments. Too often in Youth Ministry we fail to help students see specifically how they can be daily following after the Master. We can fall into the trap of mistakenly conveying the idea that Christian Growth takes place as a result of participating in extravaganza’s (conferences, retreats, events, rally’s, large meetings). My prayer is that more Youth Ministry practitioners will help the youth of their church discover a discipleship of frequent footprints.

A discipleship of frequent footprints would be characterized by:

1. Helping students have a family familiarity with the life of Jesus;
2. Modeling and calling students to a prayer life that is in harmony with The Lord’s Prayer;
3. Providing regular opportunities for students to serve rather than be served (local service and ministry projects);
4. Becoming experts in hospitality, known as welcoming and gracious hosts;
5. Developing mentor/mentoree relationships that nurtures, encourages, and deepens participants spiritual, emotional, and relational life;
6. Fostering a ministry environment that celebrates and expects students to share stories of how God’s Story is enveloping their own.

Well, that is just a beginning. What are you doing to encourage daily discipleship among your students? May the Church of the 21st Century be a Church that is known in history as getting serious about modeling our daily lifestyle after our Master.

The Sahara.

Chris Folmsbee tipped me off to this in February. It blew my mind. And now I discovered the video above.

Worth a viewing.

(thanks to Antony for pointing me to this video!)

Do you ever find yourself in a rut. Do you find your daily life moving from one project to the next; or worse one distraction to another? If you are honest have you found yourself disconnected from what really matters? Have you found yourself emotionally stagnant or relationally distant? Have you found yourself wooed by this world’s lure of acquiring more, “needing more” and chasing the latest fad?

It is easy to find oneself in the “matrix” of the world’s charms. It is easy to become disconnected from what really matters. In my own life, where my work finds me in front of a 17 inch computer screen for long stretches of the day - the reality of nature and the elements of wind, rain, snow, and sunlight can become minimized to a picture on my computer wallpaper. How do we keep from becoming the next victims of the matrix? How can we stay in touch with the real, with what matters, with God’s top priorities (over against what the world attempts to hawk on us)?

In the life of Jesus we see a regular pattern emerge that Jesus often “stole away” to the wilderness. The wilderness in the geography of Palestine, of course, would mean - heading off to the desert. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan Monk and founding director of The Center for Action and Contemplation makes the following observation,

The desert is where you go apart from the world order as it is. It’s where you simply stop being trapped in the world’s addictive patterns. If you are addicted to the world’s or your own patterns, you really need to go apart; otherwise you’ll never stop sleepwalking…. What Jesus is talking about, first and foremost, is how do you enter into the real Now. Jesus gives us “real eyes” to “realize” where the “Real lies.” (from Richard Rohr - Jesus’ Plan for a New World)

That is an amazing observation. That is what so many of us need - time away from our patterns and from being immersed in the “matrix.” When was the last time you entered, the NOW? When was the last time you really “saw?” When was the last time the thought, “I am ALIVE!” entered your brain?

The desert can revive us to life and refuel us to live (now how about that for a paradox?!). It is in the desert that we can again hear God, connect with the Mystery and become cognizant of the present moment.

We spend too much time preparing to REALly live. We live far to often in the future. NOW is our moment. Get out of the matrix! Do whatever it takes to regularly walk with God in the desert, in the place where we can be re-shaped, revived, and realize where the real lies.

One of the most rewarding things I have ever done with students is to help them walk through the last week of Jesus life. In my last few years of working with students this has been a priority and a highlight. In that last week of His life - Jesus experienced a range of emotion - from the anger in the temple to the tears over Jerusalem; from the intimacy of being with friends in Bethany to the agony of the Garden with sleeping disciples; from the passion of praying for His friends to the amazing love of giving His mother to the beloved disciple - it was a profound, full and mysterious time.

I have approached it in a few different ways - by making stations for students to physically walk through the week (with props that coincide with the event and directions about things to discuss, pray about and/or practice). Another approach is creating a more corporate experience of reading different episodes from the last week of Jesus’ life interspersed with appropriate songs, prayers, and worship elements (washing feet, passing the peace, communion, lighting of candles, etc.). By the way Sonlife has a great resource for helping students walk through this week, called: Journey to the Cross. (Oh, did I mention they are currently giving it away as a free download!)

I would strongly encourage you to consider ways that you can help “immerse” your students into this powerful time. Help them encounter the emotion, the importance and the message of the last seven days of Jesus life. A beginning might be to isolate 5 or 6 episodes that speak to you - and then help create an evening that helps your students actively engage with those important stories in a meaningful fashion.

I am sure many of you have done this sort of thing. Maybe you can share some of your better ideas for observing Holy Week with your students providing all of us with some good ideas for next year.

According to the Christian liturgical calendar - we have entered, the holiest week of the year. This week we commemorate the last week of Jesus’ earthly life. This is important when you consider that a little less than half of each of the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John in the New Testament) is focused on this 7 day period. My time in the evangelical church didn’t seem to provide that kind of focus or attention to the events in this week. Too often we would go from the revelry of Palm Sunday to the celebration of Easter.

May we slow down this week and rather than get caught up in how to make our Easter Celebration bigger and better, let’s take each day in this week - one day at a time. Maybe you could take time to slowly read the Gospel accounts; a bit each day:

Mon - John 12:1-11 & Mark 14:3-9
Tue - Psalm 71:1-14 & John 12:20-36
Wed - Psalm 70 & John 13:21-35
Thu - Psalm 116:1-2, 12-19 & John 13:1-17 & 31-35
Fri - Psalm 22 & John 18:1-19:42
Sat - Psalm 31:1-4, 15-16 & Matthew 27:57-66
Sun - Psalm 118:1-2, 14-24 & John 20:1-18 & Luke 24:1-12

As you read - take enough time to hear the Living Word (is there an issue God might be pointing out or an invitation to respond too?). As you read - take time to reflect on your own life in light of these events (if you looked at your life from the perspective of Jesus - what might you see?). As you read - find a phrase or word that you can “take with you” as a prayer for the remainder of the day.

Enter this holiest of weeks and walk again with Jesus, one day at a time.