It is no secret that the Western World (especially USAmerica) loves the great gala extravaganza. We gravitate toward the big event. It is our way. We love to make a splash and often the build up is bigger than the event [think Superbowl hype every year, new fall tv lineups, release of new Albums (think U2 playing on a flatbed through the streets of NYC), the press coverage of gatherings to herald the arrival of gamesystems & computer operating systems, and we could go on and on] with millions rallied, millions spent, and untold hours of energy devoted to prepare for “the event.” It also comes as no surprise that this “bigger is better event” mentality has crept (okay captured and dominated??) many of our churches.

My hope is that we can shed this sense that Christian growth occurs through events and monumental moments. This seems to fly in the face of much evidence we see around us. It is Spring right now in the Mid-Atlantic states of USAmerica. I have been struck by the fact that the emergence of growth and life is a long process. The various trees (especially the Hard woods like the Red Maple and White Oaks) have been going through the cycle of coming into leaf since mid-March and still aren’t in full leaf. When I look at Jesus and His work among His disciples we don’t see Him including all the disciples on all the Miracles, but apparantly most of them were present with Him for three solid years of living with the Master. They experienced His stories, His priorities, His attitudes and His everyday demeanor as they ate, walked, and worked among people. It was a long process to go from average Israelite to Apostle of the Risen Christ.

I won’t say there isn’t a place for Monumental Moments (who wants to discount the Resurrection or Pentecost or Baptism or the institution of the Lord’s Supper) - but, these events while definitive - are not our only means of discipleship. Discipleship is a process of frequent footprints, interspersed with monumental moments. Too often in Youth Ministry we fail to help students see specifically how they can be daily following after the Master. We can fall into the trap of mistakenly conveying the idea that Christian Growth takes place as a result of participating in extravaganza’s (conferences, retreats, events, rally’s, large meetings). My prayer is that more Youth Ministry practitioners will help the youth of their church discover a discipleship of frequent footprints.

A discipleship of frequent footprints would be characterized by:

1. Helping students have a family familiarity with the life of Jesus;
2. Modeling and calling students to a prayer life that is in harmony with The Lord’s Prayer;
3. Providing regular opportunities for students to serve rather than be served (local service and ministry projects);
4. Becoming experts in hospitality, known as welcoming and gracious hosts;
5. Developing mentor/mentoree relationships that nurtures, encourages, and deepens participants spiritual, emotional, and relational life;
6. Fostering a ministry environment that celebrates and expects students to share stories of how God’s Story is enveloping their own.

Well, that is just a beginning. What are you doing to encourage daily discipleship among your students? May the Church of the 21st Century be a Church that is known in history as getting serious about modeling our daily lifestyle after our Master.

Building on the post from yesterday, what I have learned so far - I thought it would be interesting to think through lessons we feel students should be learning. If you were to list out five or six essential life lessons for students that you would want to help kids learn and put into practice as they come through your ministry, what would they be?

Beyond orthodoxy - correct beliefs; what orthopraxis (right actions) would you want your students to engage in? Are there some life practices that would be essential for your students to be confronted with and challenged to integrate into their everyday living?

A couple come to mind:

1. Listen more than you speak. (helping students value actively listening to others)

2. Pray without ceasing. (encouraging young people to see prayer as fostering an awareness and attentiveness to the presence of God)

3. Practice generosity and hospitality. (our greatest apologetic for the reality of God and His Kingdom is a love that is extravagant and gives of our best)

4. Gratitude for what I already have. (battling the entitlement of “I deserve better.” nurturing a thankfulness for what I have and contentment that doesn’t need to acquire more.)

I have been thinking about this topic a bit lately. I would love to hear your thoughts about some of the life lessons that you feel are important to impart to the students in your local church. Leave a comment and join in the conversation.

What I’ve Learned So Far…
By Brother Francis Delvaux

It would be impossible for all my ‘life principles’ - what I believe and act from in my life - to be named in a list, but here are some that play a big part in how I live. I hope they might inspire you to share some of the principles that guide the way you live.

1. I might not be able to control what comes into my life, but I can control how I respond to what comes.

2. I am a product of my past, but not a prisoner of it.

3. I never saw a hearse with a baggage rack. When I pass to glory, all I’m taking with me is love, love, love.

4. What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.

5. The key to happiness is forgiveness.

6. The image I am learning to have of myself is the image that God has of me. When I ask God, “What are you thinking about me as a person?” God answers, “I think you are a beautiful, loving person.” And I answer, “Yes, I am, because you made me that way!”

7. A little bit of fragrance always clings to my hand when I give you roses.

8. I try to keep my 8’s in balance: 8 hours of ministry, 8 hours of being ministered to by others, and 8 hours of rest. These are not in strict pockets of my life but roll in and out of my 24 hour day. However, if they’re out of balance, I will not be the minister God has called me to be. The workaholic is a person whose 8’s are out of balance.

9. All that I give to you, I also give to myself.

10. What keeps me unwell are my secrets.

11. Joy is the echo of God’s life in us.

12. Two hallmarks that God is alive and well in me: joy and peace.

13. As Nietzsche said, I could only believe in a God that knew how to dance.

14. Be still … and let God love you.

15. The moment I die, there’s going to be a great big roar of laughter in heaven and a big hug from Jesus.

16. All my interruptions turned out to be my ministry.

17. I fall seven times, get up eight. (From a Japanese proverb.)

18. We are a community of cripples, helping each other up the road.

Brother Francis Delvaux is a member of the Holy Cross Brothers and a job counselor at Jubilee Jobs.

In the spirit of Brother Delvaux’s list of “life lessons” - what 2 or 3 lessons have you learned, not from a book, but from experience. What has life taught you about living, relationships, ministry, etc. and how do you pass it on. Do you have some “folk wisdom” that you have genuinely learned that you pass on to others.

I would love for you to share a few of your lessons in the comments!

Where the shepherd goes; so go the sheep. We know that God calls women and men to care for, protect and oversee His people. We also know that the wounded shepherd is likely to end up in a ditch with his sheep in disarray. For individual’s who work youth - it is critical that we stay healthy. For where the shepherd goes; so go the sheep. I would say at whatever the cost - the health of the shepherd is paramount. We ultimately will do more harm than good if we are either covering up, denying, or disregarding our spiritual, emotional, relational, or physical weaknesses/illness.

Periodically we need a check-up - a time to assess and diagnose how we are doing physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. It is a good practice to get away from our everyday environment and be alone and be honest about “where we find ourselves.” There really is no surefire test or assessment that can give us a complete picture of our actual health - but we can ask good questions that can begin the process of painting a clearer picture. Below are some beginning questions that might help assess the “health of the shepherd.” (feel free to add some questions of your own!)

What outside interests have I been engaging in?

Have I been bored lately or seeking activities that distract me? If so why or what? Is it helping or harming?

When was the last time I felt exhileration/joy? What stimulated that sense?

Who am I befriending or relating to outside of the walls of the church?

What have I read or watched in the past weeks that has helped me think in new ways?

Am I sensing that God is nearer or more distant these days?

Am I pursuing God actively? What practices or disciplines am I pursueing?

When was the last time I had a meaningful and deep conversation with a peer or my spouse?

When was the last time I broke out of my “routine” and had a break or time off?

Have I been consumed or focused on success? Impressing others? Concerned about numbers of kids coming? Who’s expectations are driving me in what I am trying to accomplish in youth ministry?

Have I been irritable or angry? What precipitated this? Has this been a pattern

Those are some questions I rehearse on occassion. They are probably loaded questions, but hopefully will get you thinking about what prescription the Chief Shepherd might write for you to get you on your way to good health.

Where the Shepherd goes; so go the sheep.

By the way… today Jim Martin also touches on this important topic - I heartily encourage you to check it out here.

It happened more than twenty years ago. Yet the feelings, fears, and realizations of the day in question are as vivid as ever. I had just finished my second year of college and was interning with a Methodist church in St. Petersburg, FL. I was priviledged to intern under a great pastor who was a master at providing memorable and learning-filled days. This particular day I walked into Roger’s office and he laid hands on me and prayed for me. He then told me to get my Methodist Minister’s prayer book and to head to the hospital for a visitation.

After swallowing my stomach, I managed a replied that didn’t do to well at hiding my complete and utter terror (I had no problem teaching, leading worship, public reading - really anything that had to do with being in front of folks - but one-on-one in a hospital - YIKES!). Now the person I was to visit in the hospital was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the local Children’s Hospital. The little girl weighed less than four pounds and had been in an incubator under constant care since being born a few weeks before my visit. The 8 or so mile trip to the hospital seemed to take hours.

I stressed the whole drive. What would I say to the parents? What would they think of the Junior Pastor? What passage of scripture would be meaningful? How do I transition from talking about everyday stuff to spiritual stuff? How does Roger do this? Do I want to do this for a living? Who would know if I just drove around the hospital six or seven times and then head back to church? Am I going to be able to find the Neo Natal Unit? Do I touch the baby? Do I talk to this premmie? The questions just kept coming; hijaking my thoughts and tormenting me. Finally I arrived at the parking garage for my destination.

Well, after I got past the receptionist desk I found my way to Neonatal ICU. I got all dressed up in the required medical scrubs and made my way to my church member’s incubator. I arrived to find that both parents weren’t around… it was just me and this infant member of God’s Body. I stood there - a little like a deer caught in the headlights - I hadn’t prepared for this scenario! What am I to do? Will this little baby know the difference? I tried to put my fears and uncertainty aside and under the gaze of a doctor and a few nurses on the unit I put my hand into the incubator and stroked the little girls back and began to say the only prayer I knew by heart - I recited the Lord’s Prayer. I don’t know how long I was there - I recall praying the Lord’s Prayer more than a few times, I rehearsed Psalm 23 and a few spontaneous prayers (I forgot my Methodist Minister’s Manual in the car). Time seemed to go by in a flash and after wiping a tear from my eye my time with that little one ended.

I thanked the nurses for letting me visit St. Mark’s youngest church member and headed for my car. It was while I was driving back to church that it hit me for the first time. This visitation stuff isn’t about me or what I can do. It isn’t about what I bring to folks. Ministry, in general, isn’t about what I can plan or offer from some “bag of tricks.” It was about joining with what God is up to in our world. It is about a trust in the invisible Mystery of the Universe and allowing Him to be at work in and through the situations I find myself in. It is not about my words, or my insecurities, or my agenda or plan… it was and is and will always be about my faith in God revealing His Way and Will and Kingdom in our midst. That morning I saw a glimmer of God’s Kingdom shinning through in a pre-mature baby laying in an incubator gently and tenderly being cared for and remembered by the Shepherd of all of our Souls (my next solo visitation Roger sent me on a week or two later was to a gentleman in a coma from complications with AIDS - and there again the lesson was reinforced).

Over the past four years I have not only been a youth worker - but also a parent of an adolescent. I remember in Seminary many moons ago - hearing a friend, mentor and prof. telling me that as a youth worker you don’t get “real good” till you are a parent. He then added - it all goes to another dimension - when your own kids are part of your youth ministry. I have found this to be true!

I remember vividly the first time my daughter was in the audience when I was speaking to a group of students. It was a defining moment. I found myself preparing for that moment in very different ways. I was more careful with my facts, I was careful to not over generalize or to skirt over those places where I didn’t look so good (I had to tell the whole story), I found myself being more authentic and there was no room for exaggeration. I remember the first time my daughter came up to me after a message and said, “that was good dad.” That was the most rewarding moment in my years of being involved in youth ministry (it made persevering in this endeavor worth it!).

I have also found myself relating more and more to the questions that previously I hated… the questions and concerns that parents have. Concerns about adult/student ratio, the concerns about how rules will be enforced, what movies will be showing at all-nighters and retreats, and the like. When it is your flesh and blood, the “little things” - don’t seem so little any more. Yes as you get older and as you watch your own child develop the cavalier attitude definitely becomes more conservative. But, I think the perspective also helps in seeing youth ministry as a ministry that goes beyond ministry to young people and expands to ministry to the entire family. Prior to having teens of my own, I have to admit I knew that I should be doing this (ministering to the entire family) but I was intimidated by parents of teens. That has changed… somethings do change with time.

Finally being a parent of a teen has changed me, I have become a more compassionate youth worker. About the same time my daughter hit adolescence I also became a middle school teacher. Nothing prepared me for this eye-opening experience. My view of kids was forever changed in that process. Experiencing again the stress, the cruelty and the challenges of being in the world of teenagers gave me a new appreciation of the kids I worked with in the church. As I watched kids come in through the doors of the church I saw them in a new light, I understood why they were tired, sometimes depressed, often stressed, and in need of being heard, encouraged, given a break and space to just be.

Today my daughter’s schedule is pretty typical:

6:45a - wake up

7:35a - school

2:15p - Leave for Track Meet

3:30p - Track Meet

7:30p - Track Meet ends

8:00p - mandatory concert band practice

9:00p - p/u from school

9:30p - dinner, homework, see her parents…

and there will definitely be homework - as she is taking an ap statistics course dual enrolled with a local university, spanish 5, and euro-asian history. For years I heard about such schedules, but I rationalized it away thinking - there is always time for a few more things in kids schedules if they really prioritized and were well-prepared. Well, now I am experiencing through my daughter the reality of a teens schedule. I will just say - I am a bit more understanding and a bit more careful. Kids are busy and sometimes necessarily. We really need to make sure if we are going to call kids to participate in an event at our church - that events/meetings are well-done, meaningful, and worthy of the time kids sacrifice to be there. We need to understand that sometimes kids who miss out on stuff - want to be there, but they can’t. It is not always an issue of not being committed, it may be an issue of not enough time in the day.

Just some thoughts from a youth worker and parent of a teen. (Oh, and having a teenager hasn’t diminished my love for kids, I think it has intensified it!)

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

– from “Leisure,” by W.H. Davies

Regardless of the weather in Blacksburg, VA (indeed in many places) today - it will be a dark day. Many today will have to face unanswered questions, shock turning to anger, the stark reality that loss hurts, and the burden of enduring a senseless and massive tragedy. Families from across our nation will again face their own more private pain as this tragedy resurfaces their own tragic losses and pains.

No simple answers or well-meaning words will ease the wounds and searing pain of such tragic circumstances. Our Lord didn’t shout words at us in the midst of our troubles and trials. Our Lord became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Lord, the suffering servant, came and suffered right alongside us. May we be present today, this week and in the future with those who suffer - offering our presence and walking with those who mourn. May we “be there”
for those who mourn and for those who must walk this tragic road.

A Prayer for Those Who Suffer:

God, Father all-powerful, you who know our pain and see our tears, listen to our prayer. We believe that you will hear us in this time of difficulty and suffering. Help us keep the image of your Son ever before us, and let us feel the healing calm of your embrace. We ask this through your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

For those of you who work with youth and you want to address this issue of mourning, weeping with those who weep, and finding God when tragedy strikes - you will find some helpful resources here.

I found this today - it appears in The Dispatch out of Lexington, NC. (you can find the original story here). It really is encouraging to hear students (like the one below) who are finding support, life, hope, and joy in the midst of their youth ministry. Isn’t this what we all hope for - a positive environment that fosters relationships that help our students take steps in the direction of obedience to Christ. I wonder if kids in my youth ministry could write a column about anything in the local paper, what would they choose to highlight? [I also find it interesting the separation between “everyday life” and life in the youth group - this compartmentalizing is a symptom of a great problem in the western church].

Here is what this young man from NC wrote:

It’s always good to have a support system, no matter what you’re doing.

If you were trying out for the marching band’s drum line for the first time, you’d obviously want some people backing you up and cheering you on. Even if you are just taking a test in your Algebra II Honors class, it’s always nice to hear the little whispers of “good luck!” directed toward you. Nothing makes me feel better than people encouraging me and telling me I can do things.

So, why shouldn’t everyone have a back-up in the biggest event of all: life?

I’ve got one. Yes, go ahead, be jealous. As if it isn’t enough to have friends pushing me forward, I also have a group of other youths I see every Sunday who have got my back, no matter what. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I’m not here to preach about religion. I’m here to talk about the other teens in my youth group who don’t mind stepping up to the plate for me when I need them to.

There are teens of all ages in my youth group, and I don’t mind any of them - from “lowly” eighth-graders (like my brother) to people who have graduated already and are still as awesome as ever. In all, there are about nine families in the group and around 14 students, and I can honestly say, almost all of us hang out outside of church and those Sunday times.

But unlike some of my other friends, I know I can come to them with religious problems/serious stuff/etc. because we’ve got the same basic beliefs and moral backgrounds. I like having fun as much as anyone else, but sometimes, you just want to talk to someone, and my youth group definitely allows me to do that. I can ask questions without feeling totally stupid, and I can give input without anyone talking down to me. Plus (all right, maybe this is slightly religious), I have people praying for me when I have to do things that scare me or when I need help.

Participating in a youth group isn’t what you might think. It’s not a big religious center of conversion and chanting. At my church, we just hang out and talk and pick on each other, like - yeah, I’ll say it - a big family. It’s not so much that we’re all perfectly in tune and love everything that everyone else does, but we can just understand each other and relate when we need to.

Best friends are amazing, I won’t ever deny it, but some of your best friends might even fit into your “not-so-everyday-life” relationships, too.

And trust me, it’s not all bad having people who know most of your business. In fact, you’ll probably like it a lot better than keeping everything to yourself.

Whit Holbrook is a student at Ledford High School.

Often the day after big events, ministry nights or youth activities finds us either at the height of revelry or at the lowest times of our week (or year). I recall a time when I had been planning a particular event (for over a year) and when it was over I found myself feeling sad, low, grouchy and quite tired. I remember talking with my wife about my attitude and coming to the realization that my depression was due to the event ending. I had become so wrapped up in the event - I felt as though part of me had ended.

What makes us, us? To often our identity gets formed by things that leave us wanting. From more than one source I have come across the following identity markers that too many Westerners allow to form “who they are:”
1. I am what I do.
2. I am what others say about me.
3. I am what I have.

We often become and are shaped by what we do, what others think about us and by what we possess. I have come across more than one youth worker (heck, I have been that youth worker) who falls into this trap of being shaped by these external factors. As a result, we think we are “Youth Worker of the Year” when the numbers are up, the congregation is speaking well of us and we get a raise (gasp!). We know that these kinds of things shouldn’t shape us, but it is easy to fall into (not to mention what are we thinking about ourselves when our volunteers all leave us, the youth have trashed the senior adult sunday school room, the parents want our head on a platter, and there is no money for the youth budget or a cost of living increase).

So what makes us, us? We must break away from our cultural bias toward action, consumerism and reputation and come to the realization that identity formation is primarily about being formed by the Potter. We are shaped when we allow the Potter to touch the clay of our lives. When we are available and open to the impression of the Potter’s hands, this forms the true self. Identity is not something we can do alone; it is about God participating and cooperating to provide us with an internal, true and enduring sense of self.

We can see this clearly in scripture. We are not the primary subject. We are not the action, either. We are included by means of a preposition. In Romans (8.31) we are reminded that God is for us. In Galatians (2.20) we are told of the privilege that Christ is in us. Finally in Matthew (1.23) we hear that God is with us. For, in and with - these are connecting words, important words - but they are not the main subject or the predicate - they are prepositions. That is instructive. Eugene Peterson calls this grammatical truth: prepositional participation. Identity is formed not as WE do (the subject and predicate); but as we join with the invitation to participate and cooperate with (or in; or for) the life of God.

God desires through our relationship and joining in His will and way to help shape and form our identity. Remember today - it isn’t our doing, our owning or our impressing - it is God in us, with us and for us that will shape us into His beloved children. It is when we discover the identity of being His beloved at the core of our being that we will be able to endure and be content through the ups and down, the highs and lows and the much and little that life will serve us.