The second thought I have had about this “approach to God” has to do with coming to God “as we are.”

Self-Awareness

Pray as you can and do not try to pray as you can’t. Dom Chapman

That parable that Jesus tells of a tax collector and a Pharisee is one that comes to mind when I think of the quote above (Lk 18.10-13). The Pharisee prays from a very righteous place, while the tax collector acknowledges his more realistic place before God. Jesus’ point is that we are to come to God in prayer - not as we desire or long or wearing a mask to find God’s approval - but coming to our Mighty God with an awareness that we are not worthy of a relationship, save the mercy found in Jesus. To approach God with self-awareness is to fight the temptation of employing pious language and acting more accepting of God’s will than reflects our personal reality.

When we only bring that “holy” part of ourselves before God, what are we sacrificing? When we fail to approach God in all our honesty, fully self-aware, it seems we fail to bring our whole selves, those parts which need to come bare and honest before God. We fail to bring our real need. We fail to trust God’s acceptance, mercy, power and love to deal with our imperfections and sin.

May we come to God and pray as we can - not using words or language that puffs us up or covers us up.

“Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.”

I may be slow on the uptake. It is a realization as I grow older that I am not as quick to change my ways as I would like to think. The latest way this has dawned on me is in my thinking and appropriating the reality of my evangelical/traditional upbringing. I have heard for years now and even at times taught about the intellectualization of the Christian Faith. I have at times been very adamant about the detrimental effect of making the Faith a rational and verifiable enterprise. Yet, the older I get the more I realize the roots of one’s tradition are very difficult to uproot?!

Recently, the implications of this rationalized faith have become even more graphic to me as I began to see how a faith that is unduly focused on right belief and doctrinal purity begins to erode a faith that finds any moorings in emotion, intuition or behavioral practice. In the evangelical world I grew up in and was educated in - the premise was our Faith had reasons. Our entering into a life with Christ was no “leap in the dark” I was told - Christianity was a rational faith that was soundly rooted in facts verifiable by science and history and archeology and, and, and… The result of such a presupposition was that our Faith moved away from the story of Scripture to be situated on premises, principles and propositions taken from Scripture. Our theology moved from the story of Creation and Promise; Incarnation and Atonement; and Community and Restoration to one of Justification and Sanctification among other theological constructs (now I know that this is not necessarily incompatible - but the move away over time can become one that is irreconcilable). I grew up in a faith that taught me to trust in my positional standing before God on the basis of a forensic justification. Right belief provided me a right standing - and it was something that was true - the evidence demands a verdict.

A faith that is proportionally more situated in the head is one that over time grows to be a faith that is cold, less relational more rational, focuses on being right more than living at peace with others and seems to more easily slide into a lifestyle of legalism. A broad brush stroke I admit - but in my experience a brush stroke that contains a good deal of reality (exceptions aside). In this move among conservative Christians moving from a faith rooted in God’s story to a faith rooted in rational, scientific study a divorce has take place - between the head and heart; between Systematic Theology and “Practical” Theology; between scholarship and spirituality.

Over the past ten to twelve years I have noticed a resurgence of concern regarding this “divorce.” I have read much and become hopeful that a reconciliation between Systematic Theology and Practical Theology (would we call this Narrative Theology?) can take place. What I would like to suggest is that a new (really an ancient) conception of faith is needed. Doubt is not the opposite of faith. Certainty is. Our Christian Faith is not first and foremost a provable enterprise that we can know with certainty. If so - than we are not in the business of faith. Faith does demand an element of trust in the midst of UNcertainty (and if that is true doubt seems to be the companion of faith?!). The ancient conception of faith was a holistic acceptance of God’s existence, God’s nearness and God’s involvement in Creation that demanded a response of head, heart and hand. The ancient conception of faith shows that because we believe that God spoke we therefore align our behavior and relationships on the basis of our trust in God’s goodness, greatness and faithfulness (think the birth of Isaac, the blood on the door frame, the walking into the Red Sea and the Jordon, the fire consuming the sacrifice, the Virgin birth, walking on water, etc.) How does this faith grow - I would say it is a wedding of right belief AND right relationships AND right practices. For too long we have emphasized belief with very little concern for the place of practices and community in the development of our spiritual lives. The place of a mystical union with God and the community of God’s people has a necessary part in restoring God’s image in each of us. The place of right practices (baptism, eucharist, biblical worship, serving others and spiritual discipline) also must be elevated to new heights if we are to see God’s people move beyond head knowledge to be transformed into those who are marked with the image of God.

Well I have diagnosed more than prescribed for sure in this post - hopefully I will return to this theme and look at the ramifications such a reconciliation would have in youth ministry.

But, enough for now - Peace.

Whenever I stumble through life and walk away from a person who I consider a “real saint” (ie. a person who seems to regularly encounter the living God and our world is profoundly better because of it) it always messes with my head. At first glance these “saints” don’t have haloes or angelic choruses “ahhing” every time they enter a room, they seem to face many of the same frustrations that we all face (filling out tax forms, insurance papers, headaches, and dead car batteries), and I have a sneaking impression that they cuss under their breath when they miss the nail and hit their thumb. So in fact, I wonder how many “real saints” I walk by every day. It seems a rarity that I have the experience of hanging out with a Saint - but it may be due to my not getting past “first glances” (but that is not the topic of this post!).

Anyway first glances can be deceiving. For what I don’t see on first glance, and what really has me shaking my head and wondering, “Are they an Angel?” is bumping first person into the richness of the fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 6) in flesh and blood. When we spend time with such a saint we enjoy the luxury of spending time with a person who has turned theology into biography, who lives out, in most moments, the fullness of life to the glory of God, and who unselfishly loves their neighbor. When I am fortunate to encounter such holy ones I often wonder, what are the differences - between me and thee? (Verily, verily King James just seems right in such “holy” musings).

I think much of the difference stems from our disconnect between theology and spirituality. Put another way - we focus on self and our experience over God and His great work. Too often when I approach God and (especially the Bible) I am focused on what can I learn and what can I “glean” from this reading to put into practice (to win over the blessing of God/or impress my neighbor?!). Is that a bad thing (not all bad I guess), but there is a different approach that I think the “more saintly” among us take. For them God is not an object to study (and master) nor an Other to appease or “win over;” for those saints among us, God is at work among us and worthy of our contemplation (or being with and join with). While the result of such an approach is counter-intuitive Herbert McCabe explains it this way, “not like an increase in knowledge, but if anything, an increase in ignorance. We become more acutely aware of our inadequacy before the mystery as we are brought closer to it. So it is God’s initiative that is needed. Not that we should speak more about him, but that he should speak to us.” (from God Matters, p. 29) Saints are humble enough to let God be God… to yield to the voice, heart, will and way of the One who has made us. From this place these “holy ones” begin to bring forth the Fruit that can only spring from the Spirit of God.

Truth comes to us - not from our interrogation, but by that which interrogates us. “The greatness of the Christian saint lies in their readiness to be questioned, judged, stripped naked and left speechless by that which lies at the center of their faith.” (Rowan Williams, The Wound of Knowledge, p. 17) The saints among us are those who come to us in the same manner that they approach Almighty God - open, honest, transparent and with humility. That reminds me of something Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit… for they shall be filled”

It is a prayer of depth, reach, gratitude and mission - now that is a prayer. I pray it sometimes without thinking about it - which is tragic (and which Jesus warned us about). Ahhh, but those times I pray it from the heart it transforms my whole way… and day. I think of this prayer often in the Spring. When I seen the newly planted spring flowers and plants develop each day, I think of this prayer. When I see the sun shining down and the plants reaching up, I think of this prayer. As the young plants reaching for the sun begin to stand tall and open wide their petals, I think of this prayer. It is an amazing time of year (and thus, an amazing time to pray this missional prayer?). Unfortunately too often I walk by the spring flowers and growth without noticing, but those times I do, it causes no small amount of wonder and I become again mindful of this prayer.

It is a prayer that causes me to tremble in fear and in gratitude (and maybe it will bring an equal response from you). I hope you will join me in praying this lovely closing prayer from Morning Prayer found in the Book of Common Prayer.

Lord Jesus Christ, you stretched out your arms of love on the hard wood of the cross that everyone might come within the reach of your saving embrace: So clothe us in your Spirit that we, reaching forth our hands in love, may bring those who do not know you to the knowledge and love of you; for the honor of your Name. Amen.
(BCP p. 101)

There have been a few “defining moments” in my life. Moments that with their immediacy and completely distilled messsage speak loud and clear, shaping my life in a unique fashion. A couple of profound moments that altered my direction and outlook on life immediately come to mind: That moment on the Yellow Breeches in Grantham, PA gazing into a beautiful young woman’s blue eyes, right then I knew in my bones that I would marry L (and I did - and we took wedding pictures near that spot). A winter morning driving along route 28 between Midland and Catlett, VA when it became clear that doing the work of God was killing God’s work in me, and that I must walk away from full-time vocational ministry. A night in my bed when I realized my father’s voice would never hit my ears on earth again. Defining moments.

Some are joyous. Some are tragic. Each quietly causing a seismic shift in that inner part of you.

I was at Resurrection Center in Woodstock, IL back in August of 2005. It was on a summer afternoon when I made my way across the conference centers grounds. I was walking determined on reaching my goal. I had heard there was a hermitage on the property and I wanted to see it. I got a bit turned around and made some wrong turns, but my persistence won over my midguided steps and I found it; and the key to make entry.

After nebbing around the one room building I settled down in a wooden rocker and gazed out the large picture window. The space between this world and the next began to close in. In that little room in the middle of the woods in the middle of North America - I heard again the voice of my Maker. One word. Two syllables that shook my being. Five letters that embraced me with deep felt approval and acceptance. In that moment (or moments?) - few things could compete with my focus and alertness to an often forgotten term.

I haven’t and hope to never forget that short time in that little room.

I was reminded there that I am dear to my Maker. I found new purpose and new desire to continue on taking steps with and toward my Master. I found dignity and meaning in who I was. I “saw” this world and my place in it focused for a second.

A defining moment - defined by a two-syllable, five letter word, whispered by a still, small voice.

Abide.

At that instant - I most deeply wanted to abide. And it has made all the difference.

“Freedom is not whether we can do whatever we want, but whether we can do what we most deeply want.”
(I found that quote in that little room in the woods in Woodstock, IL - I don’t know who first said it.)

I hate clocks and watches - they become a prison for me that I can’t escape. I become obsessed with, “what time is it” and “being on time” and meeting “dead” lines. For me living by the clock or watch makes me “times” prisoner rather than a means to “keep” time. In fact clocks and watches often prevent me from entering fully the precious moment I am in– as I am always trying to grasp the next moment to come (playing “beat the clock”). Many years ago (about 10) I gave up the “wrist manacle” and began to live free from a time keeper.

In light of that… I have stopped watching watches and offer the following little bits and piece I have picked up over the years on the mechanical ticking that can tie us up.

“Clocks slay time… time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.” ~William Faulkner

“…being attentive to the times of the day: when the birds began to sing, and the deer came out of the morning fog, and the sun came up. The reason why we don’t take time is a feeling that we have to keep moving. This is a real sickness. We live in the fullness of time. Every moment is God’s own good time, His kairos (gk. for opportune time). The whole thing boils down to giving ourselves in prayer a chance to realize that we have what we seek. We don’t have to rush after it. It was there all the time and if we give it time, it will make itself known to us.” ~Thomas Merton

“One act is required - and that is all: for this one act pulls everything together and keeps everything in order… This one act is to stand with attention in your heart.” ~Theophan the Recluse

“Nevertheless I am alway with you: for you hold me by my right hand.” (Psalm 73.23)

That last verse from The Book of Psalms is one that I like to keep in mind - when I “instinctual” want to look at the clocks time - to remind me - no watch on my right hand, but God is with me! So enter into the NOW - for “there” is where time is full and God is present.

Writing is tough! I think the greatest thing a person can do in helping them become a better verbal communicator is to work harder and more intentionally at writing. It doesn’t stop there, that is if you want to become a better writer - to become a better writer one must become a more diligent reader (reading good books, journals, and articles).

So, if you want to speak well, write well; if you desire to write well, read well.

In view of that…

A writer is someone for whom writing is harder than it is for other people… Len Sweet

As the old saying goes: Writing is easy. You just stare at a blank page until drops of blood form on your forehead. – Marshall Shelley

Peace.

I am trying to learn a new word. Not in the sense of when I was a kid and you had a new vocabulary word and the goal was spelling it correctly or using the “new term” properly. You remember, don’t you? You had an every week assignment where you had to write out definitions and use the “new word” in a sentence, etc., etc. (to be prepared to correctly spell the word on the end of week spelling test). I was pretty good with learning new words in that fashion, but learning to embody a new word or practice a new word, that is a different matter.

At least I am finding it difficult to embody one particular new word I am learning. It is a demanding and relentless concept that for ages I am sure has stumped or tripped up many who have been caught by it’s allure.

Don’t get me wrong this is no mean or nasty word - it is helpful; just downright hard.

The word is a Greek word that was a common word. It had a regular old meaning and I am sure was thrown about regularly back in the day - but that meaning has been infused with fresh and even greater intensity by those Eastern Desert Monks. They also began to use this term regularly as the antidote to so many sins and pitfalls in living out the life of Christ.

Jesus, also, used the word (at least Luke records such in 12.37).

The word means, “be alert” or “be sober!” It means control your attention on the matter at hand. (That alone is a tall order.) As I mentioned though - the monks of the desert infused this with a spiritual bent - giving this word the meaning to focus ones attention solely on God.

This is what I am trying to learn.

This is what I am finding very difficult. To practice this word, this Greek word, Nepsis.

Most mornings I head to the barn to feed and turn out the horses (from mid-Fall through early Spring). It was a cold morning this past winter when I was heading through my routine - I walked the 250 feet from my back door to the barn past the front pasture; I fed the horses their grain; I broke the ice off the watering trough; I put out flakes of hay for the horses to graze on in the front pasture and I was turning my wife’s swedish warmblood out into the front pasture when I heard my wife’s voice (over my iPod) and saw her frantically waving (that by the way was not part of our morning ritual). My wife was trying to get my attention - because apparently as I went through my morning routine I failed to notice the 30 foot tree that had fallen through the fence in our front pasture (25 feet of it, at least, was IN the pasture on the ground).

What, was I blind?

How could I have missed it - once I saw it - I couldn’t see anything else?! I had walked past the fallen tree, I had been in the pasture filling the trough and putting out hay - yet I had never opened my eyes beyond my own footsteps to see what had transpired in the night. Going through the motions with little to no engagement. Unaware and distant from the moment - can you say, “not present.” I wasn’t blind; I was just lacking any awareness and attentiveness to my surroundings (or is that the very definition of being, “blind”).

After that incident, (after coming to terms with, “How didn’t I see that!”) I began to reflect on, how often am I “going through the motions” and how much do I miss?

I am working on living in a more alert fashion. I am trying to slow and to live with a greater appreciation for the present. It is a slow process. It is sort of ironic that next month I am leading a spiritual retreat for folks on this very topic. I think I am learning that God often leads me to such opportunities - not because of what I can offer - but because it is how he can teach me.

I hope to hear and obey the words of Benedict in the Prologue to his Rule:

“However late, then, it may seem, let us rouse ourselves from lethargy. That is what scripture urges on us when it says, the time has come for us to rouse ourselves from sleep. Let us open our eyes to the light that shows us the way to God. Let our ears be alert to the stirring call of his voice crying to us every day: today if you should hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.” [St. Benedict’s Rule, A New Translation for Today, Ampleforth Abbey Press, 1997. p. 11]

I struggled with lent - starting well; finishing not so well. This year lent has exposed to me how difficult it is to sustain the same activity for forty days (a habit I didn’t make). Life is so loud and my drive to be a part of doing what I want, when I want overtakes Lent’s call to slow down, simplify, and surrender. Lent is countercultural even in a recession - it is a call to participate with Jesus in dying to self, walking in God’s will and pursuing a path of penance. Our culture while it may recognize these as noble pursuits is more suited toward materialism, consumerism, consumption, individual determination and pragmatism… and this year I became aware of just how influenced I am by my culture.

It is no surprise that an individual would be lured and formed by the dominant culture in which they live; but at the same time we can talk ourselves into being “above” such influences or striving toward a counter-cultural alternative. I admit - I am neither. My hope is that it will change.

I was only in to the third or fourth day of Lent this year when I was struck with how communal the guide I was using was, and I knew this was a missing aspect in my observance. Lent (the Christian Faith for that matter) is not meant to be observed by individuals, it is a season for a community. The Celtic Saint Brigid warned: a Christ follower without a soul friend is like a body with no head. I went into Lent be-headed.

My desire to follow the Christian year and to practice a more traditional liturgy has made me make some hard decisions - my family and I are going to be joining a new Christian community which can help us in these areas of our faith. It will be difficult to leave our current church (to a degree); but at the same time this realization has been a long time coming. So this Sunday (or Saturday Night) we will worship with a new portion of God’s family as we remember and rehearse Jesus’ last time entering Jerusalem for Passover.

So to recap - Lent 2009:
-Eye opening.
-Lent is not a solo sport.
-I am addicted to more and better.
-I can talk well about surrender but living it… not so much.
-Finding a soul friend is not a mere suggestion.
-(Sorta) said, “Goodbye” to one community in order to walk toward another that can help us be formed by liturgy (in all its forms: liturgical year, liturgical prayer, liturgical practices and traditions).

Peace.