Over the past four years I have not only been a youth worker - but also a parent of an adolescent. I remember in Seminary many moons ago - hearing a friend, mentor and prof. telling me that as a youth worker you don’t get “real good” till you are a parent. He then added - it all goes to another dimension - when your own kids are part of your youth ministry. I have found this to be true!

I remember vividly the first time my daughter was in the audience when I was speaking to a group of students. It was a defining moment. I found myself preparing for that moment in very different ways. I was more careful with my facts, I was careful to not over generalize or to skirt over those places where I didn’t look so good (I had to tell the whole story), I found myself being more authentic and there was no room for exaggeration. I remember the first time my daughter came up to me after a message and said, “that was good dad.” That was the most rewarding moment in my years of being involved in youth ministry (it made persevering in this endeavor worth it!).

I have also found myself relating more and more to the questions that previously I hated… the questions and concerns that parents have. Concerns about adult/student ratio, the concerns about how rules will be enforced, what movies will be showing at all-nighters and retreats, and the like. When it is your flesh and blood, the “little things” - don’t seem so little any more. Yes as you get older and as you watch your own child develop the cavalier attitude definitely becomes more conservative. But, I think the perspective also helps in seeing youth ministry as a ministry that goes beyond ministry to young people and expands to ministry to the entire family. Prior to having teens of my own, I have to admit I knew that I should be doing this (ministering to the entire family) but I was intimidated by parents of teens. That has changed… somethings do change with time.

Finally being a parent of a teen has changed me, I have become a more compassionate youth worker. About the same time my daughter hit adolescence I also became a middle school teacher. Nothing prepared me for this eye-opening experience. My view of kids was forever changed in that process. Experiencing again the stress, the cruelty and the challenges of being in the world of teenagers gave me a new appreciation of the kids I worked with in the church. As I watched kids come in through the doors of the church I saw them in a new light, I understood why they were tired, sometimes depressed, often stressed, and in need of being heard, encouraged, given a break and space to just be.

Today my daughter’s schedule is pretty typical:

6:45a - wake up

7:35a - school

2:15p - Leave for Track Meet

3:30p - Track Meet

7:30p - Track Meet ends

8:00p - mandatory concert band practice

9:00p - p/u from school

9:30p - dinner, homework, see her parents…

and there will definitely be homework - as she is taking an ap statistics course dual enrolled with a local university, spanish 5, and euro-asian history. For years I heard about such schedules, but I rationalized it away thinking - there is always time for a few more things in kids schedules if they really prioritized and were well-prepared. Well, now I am experiencing through my daughter the reality of a teens schedule. I will just say - I am a bit more understanding and a bit more careful. Kids are busy and sometimes necessarily. We really need to make sure if we are going to call kids to participate in an event at our church - that events/meetings are well-done, meaningful, and worthy of the time kids sacrifice to be there. We need to understand that sometimes kids who miss out on stuff - want to be there, but they can’t. It is not always an issue of not being committed, it may be an issue of not enough time in the day.

Just some thoughts from a youth worker and parent of a teen. (Oh, and having a teenager hasn’t diminished my love for kids, I think it has intensified it!)