For the past five days I have been chaperoning a trip to New York City for my daughter’s high school band trip. It was a trip. Exciting. Fun. Frustrating at times. Exhausting. Rewarding. The students were fantastic. I can’t think of one time where they acted inappropriately, where they were in need of serious correction or where I had to raise my voice or reprimand anyone. Pretty amazing when you consider that we had over 105 people on the trip.

I couldn’t help but remember the many trips I took kids on through the years. I remember especially those trips where you went to amusement parks (ever lead those trips!). Kids would emerge out of the woodwork for such activities (Ski Trips had this effect, as well - go figure). I also recall stressing over the behavior of the kids when I took such outings. Often my stressing was unfounded. But, I remember a few times when I had some real challenges with kids participating in activities from my church… LARGE holes in walls from rough housing, run aways, smoking, stealing, over the top attitude and rudeness taking place on those “amusement” park trips.

I guess I was prepared for some real problems as I set out Wednesday night for 4 nights and five days with a large group of public school students. Imagine my surprise - they were quiet and respectful on the charter buses, they were polite, on-time (we didn’t wait more than five minutes for anyone at meeting times/places), stayed in their assigned rooms, hung with their chaperones, laughed at the right times, were quiet and respectful when asked, and behaved in a manner I would have been proud to have led from any church group. Sure there was some whining, complaining, a few tears, and a few blisters… but, the kids were fantastic.

So, I haven’t really taken kids on longer trips in the past 5 years… so is this the norm? Are kids generally better behaved? Is this generation of kids (what Strauss and Howe call the Millenial Generation) just in general more well behaved and group oriented? Was my experience an anomoly? Was it because they knew the school had a way to enforce discipline if they messed up? I was shocked - I couldn’t believe that we didn’t have any “incidents,” no arguments, fights, real drama or broken rules. The greatest frustrations came with the actual tour schedule and planning (or lack there of) - and the kids rolled with it and everyone had a great time.

So, what are your thoughts - about touring, taking trips with kids - is it easier these days? or harder?

A couple of highlights from NYC…

Beauty and the Beast, on Broadway

Carmines Italian Restaurant

Blue Man Group at the Astor Place Theatre in East Village

Shopping on Canal Street!

Leading 17 guys through Times Square and Mid-town Manhatten through music stores and the sights!

Sunday Mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral

Watching my daughter enjoy a great time with friends in an amazing place!

Where the shepherd goes; so go the sheep. We know that God calls women and men to care for, protect and oversee His people. We also know that the wounded shepherd is likely to end up in a ditch with his sheep in disarray. For individual’s who work youth - it is critical that we stay healthy. For where the shepherd goes; so go the sheep. I would say at whatever the cost - the health of the shepherd is paramount. We ultimately will do more harm than good if we are either covering up, denying, or disregarding our spiritual, emotional, relational, or physical weaknesses/illness.

Periodically we need a check-up - a time to assess and diagnose how we are doing physically, emotionally, spiritually and relationally. It is a good practice to get away from our everyday environment and be alone and be honest about “where we find ourselves.” There really is no surefire test or assessment that can give us a complete picture of our actual health - but we can ask good questions that can begin the process of painting a clearer picture. Below are some beginning questions that might help assess the “health of the shepherd.” (feel free to add some questions of your own!)

What outside interests have I been engaging in?

Have I been bored lately or seeking activities that distract me? If so why or what? Is it helping or harming?

When was the last time I felt exhileration/joy? What stimulated that sense?

Who am I befriending or relating to outside of the walls of the church?

What have I read or watched in the past weeks that has helped me think in new ways?

Am I sensing that God is nearer or more distant these days?

Am I pursuing God actively? What practices or disciplines am I pursueing?

When was the last time I had a meaningful and deep conversation with a peer or my spouse?

When was the last time I broke out of my “routine” and had a break or time off?

Have I been consumed or focused on success? Impressing others? Concerned about numbers of kids coming? Who’s expectations are driving me in what I am trying to accomplish in youth ministry?

Have I been irritable or angry? What precipitated this? Has this been a pattern

Those are some questions I rehearse on occassion. They are probably loaded questions, but hopefully will get you thinking about what prescription the Chief Shepherd might write for you to get you on your way to good health.

Where the Shepherd goes; so go the sheep.

By the way… today Jim Martin also touches on this important topic - I heartily encourage you to check it out here.

It happened more than twenty years ago. Yet the feelings, fears, and realizations of the day in question are as vivid as ever. I had just finished my second year of college and was interning with a Methodist church in St. Petersburg, FL. I was priviledged to intern under a great pastor who was a master at providing memorable and learning-filled days. This particular day I walked into Roger’s office and he laid hands on me and prayed for me. He then told me to get my Methodist Minister’s prayer book and to head to the hospital for a visitation.

After swallowing my stomach, I managed a replied that didn’t do to well at hiding my complete and utter terror (I had no problem teaching, leading worship, public reading - really anything that had to do with being in front of folks - but one-on-one in a hospital - YIKES!). Now the person I was to visit in the hospital was in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit of the local Children’s Hospital. The little girl weighed less than four pounds and had been in an incubator under constant care since being born a few weeks before my visit. The 8 or so mile trip to the hospital seemed to take hours.

I stressed the whole drive. What would I say to the parents? What would they think of the Junior Pastor? What passage of scripture would be meaningful? How do I transition from talking about everyday stuff to spiritual stuff? How does Roger do this? Do I want to do this for a living? Who would know if I just drove around the hospital six or seven times and then head back to church? Am I going to be able to find the Neo Natal Unit? Do I touch the baby? Do I talk to this premmie? The questions just kept coming; hijaking my thoughts and tormenting me. Finally I arrived at the parking garage for my destination.

Well, after I got past the receptionist desk I found my way to Neonatal ICU. I got all dressed up in the required medical scrubs and made my way to my church member’s incubator. I arrived to find that both parents weren’t around… it was just me and this infant member of God’s Body. I stood there - a little like a deer caught in the headlights - I hadn’t prepared for this scenario! What am I to do? Will this little baby know the difference? I tried to put my fears and uncertainty aside and under the gaze of a doctor and a few nurses on the unit I put my hand into the incubator and stroked the little girls back and began to say the only prayer I knew by heart - I recited the Lord’s Prayer. I don’t know how long I was there - I recall praying the Lord’s Prayer more than a few times, I rehearsed Psalm 23 and a few spontaneous prayers (I forgot my Methodist Minister’s Manual in the car). Time seemed to go by in a flash and after wiping a tear from my eye my time with that little one ended.

I thanked the nurses for letting me visit St. Mark’s youngest church member and headed for my car. It was while I was driving back to church that it hit me for the first time. This visitation stuff isn’t about me or what I can do. It isn’t about what I bring to folks. Ministry, in general, isn’t about what I can plan or offer from some “bag of tricks.” It was about joining with what God is up to in our world. It is about a trust in the invisible Mystery of the Universe and allowing Him to be at work in and through the situations I find myself in. It is not about my words, or my insecurities, or my agenda or plan… it was and is and will always be about my faith in God revealing His Way and Will and Kingdom in our midst. That morning I saw a glimmer of God’s Kingdom shinning through in a pre-mature baby laying in an incubator gently and tenderly being cared for and remembered by the Shepherd of all of our Souls (my next solo visitation Roger sent me on a week or two later was to a gentleman in a coma from complications with AIDS - and there again the lesson was reinforced).

Over the past four years I have not only been a youth worker - but also a parent of an adolescent. I remember in Seminary many moons ago - hearing a friend, mentor and prof. telling me that as a youth worker you don’t get “real good” till you are a parent. He then added - it all goes to another dimension - when your own kids are part of your youth ministry. I have found this to be true!

I remember vividly the first time my daughter was in the audience when I was speaking to a group of students. It was a defining moment. I found myself preparing for that moment in very different ways. I was more careful with my facts, I was careful to not over generalize or to skirt over those places where I didn’t look so good (I had to tell the whole story), I found myself being more authentic and there was no room for exaggeration. I remember the first time my daughter came up to me after a message and said, “that was good dad.” That was the most rewarding moment in my years of being involved in youth ministry (it made persevering in this endeavor worth it!).

I have also found myself relating more and more to the questions that previously I hated… the questions and concerns that parents have. Concerns about adult/student ratio, the concerns about how rules will be enforced, what movies will be showing at all-nighters and retreats, and the like. When it is your flesh and blood, the “little things” - don’t seem so little any more. Yes as you get older and as you watch your own child develop the cavalier attitude definitely becomes more conservative. But, I think the perspective also helps in seeing youth ministry as a ministry that goes beyond ministry to young people and expands to ministry to the entire family. Prior to having teens of my own, I have to admit I knew that I should be doing this (ministering to the entire family) but I was intimidated by parents of teens. That has changed… somethings do change with time.

Finally being a parent of a teen has changed me, I have become a more compassionate youth worker. About the same time my daughter hit adolescence I also became a middle school teacher. Nothing prepared me for this eye-opening experience. My view of kids was forever changed in that process. Experiencing again the stress, the cruelty and the challenges of being in the world of teenagers gave me a new appreciation of the kids I worked with in the church. As I watched kids come in through the doors of the church I saw them in a new light, I understood why they were tired, sometimes depressed, often stressed, and in need of being heard, encouraged, given a break and space to just be.

Today my daughter’s schedule is pretty typical:

6:45a - wake up

7:35a - school

2:15p - Leave for Track Meet

3:30p - Track Meet

7:30p - Track Meet ends

8:00p - mandatory concert band practice

9:00p - p/u from school

9:30p - dinner, homework, see her parents…

and there will definitely be homework - as she is taking an ap statistics course dual enrolled with a local university, spanish 5, and euro-asian history. For years I heard about such schedules, but I rationalized it away thinking - there is always time for a few more things in kids schedules if they really prioritized and were well-prepared. Well, now I am experiencing through my daughter the reality of a teens schedule. I will just say - I am a bit more understanding and a bit more careful. Kids are busy and sometimes necessarily. We really need to make sure if we are going to call kids to participate in an event at our church - that events/meetings are well-done, meaningful, and worthy of the time kids sacrifice to be there. We need to understand that sometimes kids who miss out on stuff - want to be there, but they can’t. It is not always an issue of not being committed, it may be an issue of not enough time in the day.

Just some thoughts from a youth worker and parent of a teen. (Oh, and having a teenager hasn’t diminished my love for kids, I think it has intensified it!)

making all things new
spring emerges finally
fresh, crisp life speaks

Give us eyes to see the unfolding of The Mystery today in our everyday.

The Sahara.

Chris Folmsbee tipped me off to this in February. It blew my mind. And now I discovered the video above.

Worth a viewing.

(thanks to Antony for pointing me to this video!)

Do you ever find yourself in a rut. Do you find your daily life moving from one project to the next; or worse one distraction to another? If you are honest have you found yourself disconnected from what really matters? Have you found yourself emotionally stagnant or relationally distant? Have you found yourself wooed by this world’s lure of acquiring more, “needing more” and chasing the latest fad?

It is easy to find oneself in the “matrix” of the world’s charms. It is easy to become disconnected from what really matters. In my own life, where my work finds me in front of a 17 inch computer screen for long stretches of the day - the reality of nature and the elements of wind, rain, snow, and sunlight can become minimized to a picture on my computer wallpaper. How do we keep from becoming the next victims of the matrix? How can we stay in touch with the real, with what matters, with God’s top priorities (over against what the world attempts to hawk on us)?

In the life of Jesus we see a regular pattern emerge that Jesus often “stole away” to the wilderness. The wilderness in the geography of Palestine, of course, would mean - heading off to the desert. Richard Rohr, a Franciscan Monk and founding director of The Center for Action and Contemplation makes the following observation,

The desert is where you go apart from the world order as it is. It’s where you simply stop being trapped in the world’s addictive patterns. If you are addicted to the world’s or your own patterns, you really need to go apart; otherwise you’ll never stop sleepwalking…. What Jesus is talking about, first and foremost, is how do you enter into the real Now. Jesus gives us “real eyes” to “realize” where the “Real lies.” (from Richard Rohr - Jesus’ Plan for a New World)

That is an amazing observation. That is what so many of us need - time away from our patterns and from being immersed in the “matrix.” When was the last time you entered, the NOW? When was the last time you really “saw?” When was the last time the thought, “I am ALIVE!” entered your brain?

The desert can revive us to life and refuel us to live (now how about that for a paradox?!). It is in the desert that we can again hear God, connect with the Mystery and become cognizant of the present moment.

We spend too much time preparing to REALly live. We live far to often in the future. NOW is our moment. Get out of the matrix! Do whatever it takes to regularly walk with God in the desert, in the place where we can be re-shaped, revived, and realize where the real lies.

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

– from “Leisure,” by W.H. Davies

Regardless of the weather in Blacksburg, VA (indeed in many places) today - it will be a dark day. Many today will have to face unanswered questions, shock turning to anger, the stark reality that loss hurts, and the burden of enduring a senseless and massive tragedy. Families from across our nation will again face their own more private pain as this tragedy resurfaces their own tragic losses and pains.

No simple answers or well-meaning words will ease the wounds and searing pain of such tragic circumstances. Our Lord didn’t shout words at us in the midst of our troubles and trials. Our Lord became flesh and dwelt among us. Our Lord, the suffering servant, came and suffered right alongside us. May we be present today, this week and in the future with those who suffer - offering our presence and walking with those who mourn. May we “be there”
for those who mourn and for those who must walk this tragic road.

A Prayer for Those Who Suffer:

God, Father all-powerful, you who know our pain and see our tears, listen to our prayer. We believe that you will hear us in this time of difficulty and suffering. Help us keep the image of your Son ever before us, and let us feel the healing calm of your embrace. We ask this through your Son, our Lord Jesus Christ, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God forever and ever. Amen.

For those of you who work with youth and you want to address this issue of mourning, weeping with those who weep, and finding God when tragedy strikes - you will find some helpful resources here.

I found this today - it appears in The Dispatch out of Lexington, NC. (you can find the original story here). It really is encouraging to hear students (like the one below) who are finding support, life, hope, and joy in the midst of their youth ministry. Isn’t this what we all hope for - a positive environment that fosters relationships that help our students take steps in the direction of obedience to Christ. I wonder if kids in my youth ministry could write a column about anything in the local paper, what would they choose to highlight? [I also find it interesting the separation between “everyday life” and life in the youth group - this compartmentalizing is a symptom of a great problem in the western church].

Here is what this young man from NC wrote:

It’s always good to have a support system, no matter what you’re doing.

If you were trying out for the marching band’s drum line for the first time, you’d obviously want some people backing you up and cheering you on. Even if you are just taking a test in your Algebra II Honors class, it’s always nice to hear the little whispers of “good luck!” directed toward you. Nothing makes me feel better than people encouraging me and telling me I can do things.

So, why shouldn’t everyone have a back-up in the biggest event of all: life?

I’ve got one. Yes, go ahead, be jealous. As if it isn’t enough to have friends pushing me forward, I also have a group of other youths I see every Sunday who have got my back, no matter what. I know what you’re thinking, and no, I’m not here to preach about religion. I’m here to talk about the other teens in my youth group who don’t mind stepping up to the plate for me when I need them to.

There are teens of all ages in my youth group, and I don’t mind any of them - from “lowly” eighth-graders (like my brother) to people who have graduated already and are still as awesome as ever. In all, there are about nine families in the group and around 14 students, and I can honestly say, almost all of us hang out outside of church and those Sunday times.

But unlike some of my other friends, I know I can come to them with religious problems/serious stuff/etc. because we’ve got the same basic beliefs and moral backgrounds. I like having fun as much as anyone else, but sometimes, you just want to talk to someone, and my youth group definitely allows me to do that. I can ask questions without feeling totally stupid, and I can give input without anyone talking down to me. Plus (all right, maybe this is slightly religious), I have people praying for me when I have to do things that scare me or when I need help.

Participating in a youth group isn’t what you might think. It’s not a big religious center of conversion and chanting. At my church, we just hang out and talk and pick on each other, like - yeah, I’ll say it - a big family. It’s not so much that we’re all perfectly in tune and love everything that everyone else does, but we can just understand each other and relate when we need to.

Best friends are amazing, I won’t ever deny it, but some of your best friends might even fit into your “not-so-everyday-life” relationships, too.

And trust me, it’s not all bad having people who know most of your business. In fact, you’ll probably like it a lot better than keeping everything to yourself.

Whit Holbrook is a student at Ledford High School.